did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
