I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
