I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
