im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
