i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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