Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
