We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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