I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need to align my fucking chakras
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
