i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
