Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
