I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
