Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
