Cold hands, warm shart.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This beer is not sobering me up at all
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.