you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot