you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top