u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching