I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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