can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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