thus making me awesome and them whores
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
