Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
