just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
