I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
