I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
