that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
