The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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