she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
