You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
