Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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