Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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