He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
