I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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