this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
