Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
