im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
