I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
