CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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