I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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