he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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