a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
