My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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