I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just tell him i said nine months
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
