She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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