i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
