Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
