Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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