My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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