East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
