margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
