So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize