I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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