You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
