i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
