Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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