Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
