Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
