I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize