dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
