I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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