this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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