Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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