You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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