I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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