let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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