Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
