I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
